The countdown

103 days to go until the day I become Mrs. Awoliyi.  I'm growing anxious by the day and my mind just runs with all of the things that now really need to be done.  Invites are officially out and the work now begins.  Throughout this process, I have soon learned that it truly is: "Our marriage, THEIR wedding".  This wedding was originally intended to represent our merged ideas and desires, but as the process continues, we have soon come to realize that its not just about our ideas, desires, but that of our families.  When we say our vows, that is the moment where all will witness the beginning of the rest of our life, but the reception, well, that's pretty much for our families.  Have I gotten aggravated.  Yes! However, I have learned that some battles just are not worth fighting as long as everyone is happy at the end of it all.  Would I like to see things just a bit different, Yes! but at the same time, it wouldn't be us without the nuttiness of things. 

What puts a smile on my face and gets me all giddy with excitement is that while it is THEIR wedding, October 16th will mark OUR marriage and I"m excited to see over time at all that is to come. 

Cake, Registry and other fun things

4 months or exactly 124 days to go.   I can’t believe that 8 months since our engagement has gone by and time is ticking for us.  After over-thinking and being my normal obsessive compulsive self, cake design is settled, flowers will be settled on Thursday, dress has been officially ordered, registry has been set, and invites have been assembled.  

Cake

So the first thing on my list of things to do was narrow down the cake and write a check for the deposit.   So Ysa and I head over to Coccadotts thinking it would not take long.  Write the check and BAM – Done.  Nope, that is not what happened.  We get there and they don’t have the original order form because GUESS WHAT. I kept it.  So the lady recognized me and had us wait a few minutes while she wrapped up her appointment.  Well, big mistake because I spotted these delicious, sweet brownies and Ysa and I just devoured them.  Then they gave us a cookie to sample as well as these cake pops. Mmmm… Now you have my attention.  Brownies.. Yum.  Well, for the amount of money we are about to drop on a cake, I will take all the free samples I can get.    So finally, what should have been a 5 minute stop, turned into a 40 minute mini-adventure for us.   Next stop, registry.

Registry

After that, Ysa and I head over to get me registered and wouldn’t you know, this other lady was getting registered as well.  I’m still trying to figure out how Ysa buddied up with her AND her mom.  All I kept hearing in my ear, I DON’T HEAR YOU BEEPING.Oh, her mom said this is a good item, Beep that.. As I walk throughout the store, I start to over think, which china set would we love to have, and let me just say, Oba was not there, so I had to think, what would he like, what would I like and find that happy median.  Wine glasses, lovely, OMG, the price on this is too much, I can’t add that to the registry while Ysa is like BAM.. Beep that.. Beep that… It really was quite hilarious having her there with me.

Wedding dress has been paid in full and that was one embarrassing moment.  I write a check, it gets declined.  I’m like that’s impossible; I transferred money into my checking account to cover the cost of the dress.  Put it through again – DECLINE.. I call my mom to have her check my bank account and she gets me locked out of the acct, so I call my bank and explain what was going on.  I did have all the money in there, and wouldn’t you know that after 1 hr of feeling mortified at this store, I give them my debit card and it swipes through.  Great!  

Invites

Invites have arrived and in my Oprah voice I call Oba, the invites are heeeeerrreeeeeeee… Yaaaayy.. Pick them up, and during the past couple of weeks have been assembling them.  Such lovely invites I must say.  I truly LOVE the way they look.  But this guest list right here, will be the death of me.  I will feel SO much better once all the invites have been put in the mail so I can really start to concentrate on the FUN FUN stuff. 

4 months or exactly 124 days to go and then Oba and I can really start planning all the fun stuff that is to come for us.  Honeymoon, redecorating our place, and building a happy home for us. 

No Dungarees here

One of the most important things of a wedding is of course the bridesmaid dresses.   One of the most important things for me is that my bridesmaids look amazing.  I always envisioned some Sex and the City kind of flair to the whole bridesmaid attire, but then found that could only work if David Tutera took over my wedding OR I was on the set of Sex and the City.  

Just when I thought I found their dress, monkey wrench occurred.  I hated the dress my MOH tried on.  Yes!  Hated it.  It just wasn’t flattering to her little figure.  So the search continued…..Searching and searching and comparing.  I must have sent like 30 emails to my poor MOH.  What do you think about this? What about that? What if you do this?  What if the girls wear this and you wear that?  No, no. no. 

On top of my 30+ emails to my MOH, I have to say, I have the most amazing group of girls.  I have managed to drag two of my bridesmaids AGAIN to the store and try on dresses.  No… Hate it.  Let me take a picture. Ugh, take it off…. Hmmmm, I can work with that, that’s a possibility.  Let me take another picture.  Put on your heels, let me see how it looks with the shoes, walk in the dress, let me see how it flows.  Finally, narrowing it down to 2 dresses.   This is not including, me asking one of them to visit this store RK Bridal in NYC.  Since she was already going to be down there, I thought, HEY, why not try these 3 dresses down there (narrowed down from like 7-10).  I sent her fully equipped with the style number, store information, and list of questions to ask. 

What happens you say?  Well, she gets to the store, calls me, Zu, this place is mayhem.  There are like 500+ brides and bridesmaids running around this HUGE store ready to try on dresses and on top of that, there was a wait for the poor dressing rooms.  I felt horrible, but the selfish part of me was like, you still have to do it.. lol.. So to make matters even worse or funnier.  Big sign in the stores, no pictures allowed.  Well how am I going to see what the dresses look like.  Well… She dragged her son into the dressing room with her to take pics.   After all of that, I hated 2 of the dresses, loved one, but now the belt didn’t come in the colors I liked.   So after all of that work from my poor bridesmaid, whom I LOVE LOVE LOVE, it came down to 1 dress from her selection.

Its middle of May, I really need to finally make a decision, so I decided to sleep on it, look through all the pictures of my beautiful girls in the dresses they modeled for me before making my own decision.   This past weekend was perfect for me to do that.  I did get one AWESOME and FUNNY word of advice.  One of my bridesmaid mom’s, who will remain anonymous and whom I adore, pulls me over and says, what’s going on with the dresses.  I said, I need to make the final decision, will do it this weekend and let everyone know on Monday.  She asks, what’s your delay? I recap everything to her and explain that once I see the last 3 dresses, I will be able to have a better feel for what I want, to which she says “it’s your wedding, make the decision”.  I know I know – Will do it after this weekend.

Well a couple of hours into the night and a few cosmos later, this whole dress situation is still on her mind and her mom says, look Zu, you need to decide on these dresses.. and the most classic, hilarious line I will NEVER forget is:  “You need to get these little bytches in line before they wear Dungarees to your wedding”.   

Let’s just say “mom”.. I did get my “bytches” in line.  Dress has been selected, one already purchased and I’m sooooo happy with the selection.  I can’t wait to see my gorgeous besties as they walk down the aisle. 

The Good, the Bad, and the well... unwanted Ugly.

The Upside of Irritation
Things That Annoy Us

There will always be factors and people that we cannot control; how we respond can determine the quality of our lives.

Weddings, funerals, birthdays, baby showers, bridal showers – any cause for a celebration or time of sorrow in general tend to bring the good, the bad, and the ugly side of people.  You will find those people that will rejoice with you during the good times, and those who will just plain not like the fact that your life is going in a good direction.  Those people who would much rather see you wallow in misery, than smile because things are finally going good for you. 

However, with that said, you will also find those people that will be your champion, cheering you on with your decision.  Happy to finally see something awesome happening you.  Those who even though may not be where they want to be; are happy that at least someone near and dear to them is.  My life is by no means perfect, but it is exactly how it should be at this point in my life according to God.  I have been through many ups and downs, heartaches and heartbreaks, financial stress and blessings and with each good and bad, perseverance and God by my side is all I have every had to help me weather any storm.

This quote that came today just reminded me that I cannot control people’s thoughts, actions, or feelings.  What I can control is how I respond to things.  I can’t live my life feeling annoyed by someone else’s actions, thoughts, and opinions.  Instead, I choose to continue living my life the way God sees fit.  

Welcome to Texas

So those who know me, know that I just can't stand flying.  Makes me feel sooo sick.  I have to say, flight wasn't so bad this time around.  I did get sick mid-way through the flight getting to Houston.  It just felt like a long never-ending roller coaster ride you just can't get off from. 

Now here is where the story gets funny.  I seriously need a camera following me from time to time.  So we are driving to Oba's mom's house. This douche-bag runs into the side of the car and pushes the car off the side of the highway.  Once the car comes to a stop, Oba gets out of the car and walks towards the jerk-off that pushed us of.  Well the dude thought he was a tough guy too and gets out and in Oba's face.  BIG mistake.  Now out of nowhere, this other dude with a tie comes out of another car and in Oba's face saying, I saw what happened, I was a witness.  Now one thing you never do is get in my hubby's face.  He went off.  His mom got in the middle of the whole thing and the smaller douche-bag (not the one with the tie) shoves his mom to the side.  Now to give you a better visual, we are in a big HW in Texas, our bodies are all facing the flying cars and all you see is Oba's mom arguing, Oba in the guy's face, the guy in Oba's face, hands wailing, Oba pushing me and his mom away from the flying cars, the works.  Yes, it was that serious.  So now they move towards the ledge and I swear, with the way tempers were flying, I thought for sure Oba was going to throw the dude over the ledge.  At some point, this other driver pulls over and calms Oba down a bit until the cops arrive. 

We were all fine, car faced cosmetic damage, but nothing serious.  But who would have thought that Texas has a law where you can't point fingers or get in people's face.  Lucky for us, they didn't press charges against hubby and so hubby didn't press charges against them. 

So we arrive at the house - Eat, talk, hang out.  Wedding talks are now in the works with his family.  Lots of logistics to sort of hash out.  Exciting times!  I have finally seen what my dress looks like and  I must say the dresses are gorgeous.  I have one dress that his mother had designed and another dress his sister designed for me.  I am the proud owner of 2 custom-made Nigerian dresses and I LOVE them.  Fresh, modern look and very flattering AND they fit.  My biggest worry was that it wouldn't fit, but they do. 

So tomorrow will be the official engagement party.  In the meantime - Happy Blogging. 

Caught up in the moment

First comes the ring and then comes the madness.  If you are the kind of bride that has always dreamed about what your wedding would look like, once that day comes, you are officially owned by the commercialization of what weddings are all about.  

The massive emails flooding your inbox, the letters in the mail with great offers.  With each vendor I meet, each stack of bride guide magazine read, each theknot.com idea I see and copy and paste into my handy dandy word document, I enter into wedding fantasy land.   What's wedding fantasy-land?  Well its the land of make-believe where you think you could afford 1/2 of the stuff put together, but in reality, you do have a budget to stick to.   Wedding-fantasy land has you thinking, oh yeah, I can do this myself - and while you probably have the skills to do it yourself, you certainly don't have the time to put something together between work, family, wedding planning, and just plain ole life. Wedding fantasy-land has you hoping that David Tutera will come and change everything around 3 weeks before your wedding, but really, the changes of that happening are slim to none. 


With each vendor I meet, what I originally thought was going to be simple, ends up being grand.  Venue, cake, flowers, etc.  Why?  Because once I get an idea stuck in my head and visualize it some way, I fall in love with the idea of it and refuse to budge for anything less than. 

Case point.  I just had my 2nd consultation with the florist.. I repeat - 2nd and I'm going to have to set up another one to re-do the order.  My original vision for flowers changed because I changed the color of the bridesmaid dress and narrowed down my dress.  So now with the 2nd appt, I bring a picture of my dress and the color the girls will be wearing.  Now the focus will be on calla lilies.  I'm stuck with calla lilies.. Love them and everything else presented to me just doesn't compare in my eyes.  Problem.  Calla lilies are exotic and expensive.  So what I thought would be simple arrangement, is not so simple after all. 

So now I have an order of flowers, which I'm totally not loving.  Hydrangeas and lavendar roses throughout my entire bouquet.  Not the direction I was going in.   1) I don't like roses like that and 2) I think Hydrangeas look like tissue paper, so personally, for me, it's not the kind of flower I would pick out.   For the girls.. More hydrangeas and some other flower that's pretty, but not as pretty as calla lilies.. Once again.. Grand, beautiful, but I'm losing myself in all this.  So I guess a 3rd appt will need to be made in order to change the order around all over again.   Thank goodness the lady is super sweet and understanding. 

This is what I get for watching David Tutera and being just that kind of bride-to-be that won't settle for anything less than what's already inside her head..

This is my venting session for this lovely Monday morning and it feels great to let it out. 

Till nex time - Happy Blogging.

Feelings and Weddings

The other day, a friend of mine asked me a question pertaining to my feelings about Oba and how/if it has changed now that we are getting married.  It really did get me to think about him, life, and my decision in general.  

I met him in 2001 and it will be 10 years and 3 months from the day we met that we will officially tie the knot.  Have my feelings changed in someway.  Honestly, they are still the same.  I have had him in my life all that time, but I have to say, I do think about him in a different light.  I'm no longer thinking about, he's fun to be around, we go on awesome dates, he's great to talk to.  I now think about the future and is he someone that is in sync with the same values that I seek for, that are similar to mine and the answer is yes.  For every person that doesn't think he and I will make it, I can think of reasons why we stand a good chance.

Now that marrige is soon approaching and with every new event, milestone, just day-to-day things we experience, I see him in a different light.  We are learning from each other, each and every day.  I see him being the father of our kid(s).  I see him to be a man of character, integrity, and a positive role model for my daughter, our future children, and others.  He is a man with strong family core values.  I see how great he interacts with my daughter - a child that he has embraced as his own.  Every day, I say how blessed and lucky I am to have met a man that can completely, 100% take a child and sincerely call her his own.  

All of this, and so much more, excites me and I can't wait to start our new journey together.  Have our feelings intensified, I'm not sure.  But what I do know is the feeling of assurance that this is the right thing has definitely intensified.

A man is like a pillar, a woman like a crossbeam. A man is like the legs of a person, a woman like the trunk. A man is like the wings of a bird, a woman like the body. If the wings and the body become separated, then how can the bird fly? And if the pillar topples, then the crossbeam will surely fall to the ground. A home without a man is like a person without a soul.Love Quote by Anonymous

195 or so days to go

I know, I have been non-existent on this blog for a bit.   As of lately, I have done, yet another cake testing.  Cake design, flaors and vendor has been locked in.  I must say, for someone who could care less about the cake, we sure did go a bit on the grand side.  So I guess the cake DOES matter.  

I have stacks and stacks of bridal magazines, looking for inspirations on cake, flowers, favors, programs, menu cards, invites, accessories, seeing if there is maybe ANOTHER dress out there, candy bar ideas, you name it, its flagged.  I'm up to my eyeballs in wedding ideas.  I need David Tutera or I have become my own personal David Tutera.

What I do know is that I'm looking for that classy, elegant wedding, but yet, one that will have my guests dancing, laughing, enjoying themselves.  I want them over-fed and left feeling like WOW.

Now - The next mission for us will be: Customizing our ceremony.   While we don't belong to any one church, we struggled with wanting a wedding that was religious.  He and I were very adamant about marrying through god and not justice of the peace.   We were blessed to find a priest that will do it for us and now our next task to tackle is customizing the ceremony program and finding quotes from the new and old testament that fits us.  Oy Vey..

Till next time.. Happy Blogging..

Death of the Courted Woman

Welcome to a new Era! Where men are no longer head of households.  Where women now play the role of wife and bread winner.  What happened to the days when men would say, Don’t worry Hun, I got this?  The days where your door was opened, your chair was pulled back, coat gently placed on you.

Nowadays, men are just plain comfortable with the new generation of women that have evolved.  The generation that is independent, self-reliant, strong, and able to run and pay for the household while holding full time jobs and being full time mommies.   The same men that, we women, are choosing to marry. 

Could we all have lived during the times when a woman’s voice was non-existent, where we did not matter, was unable to vote, were not a factor in anything?  I know I couldn’t live like that.  I would be one of those brave women who rocked the world with their revolutionary ways.  Like Harriet Tubman, setting myself free from slavery and helping other women in the process, or Elizabeth Stanton, who organized the Seneca Falls convention which led to women’s right to vote. 

So as a result of years of oppression, we women, over the years have been forced to prove ourselves to the male society in order to have a voice and show the world how strong we can be.  However, by doing so, we are paying a different price.  The death of courting.  The death of the days when a man really wanted to take care of his wife.  The death of the times when men had some sort of respect for women.  The inability for men to truly emotionally protect their wives.  

So as an independent wife to be, I am now forced to think about the possibility of no longer having the option of being courted.  Because while I have reserved the right to have a voice and be that independent, strong woman I want to be, I have now lost the right to be treated as an emotionally needy woman.  So RIP to courting and emotional protection.. May you rest in peace.

Until next time….Happy Blogging.

To Kneel or not to Kneel

So my hubby to be is Nigerian and I’m Puerto Rican.  Unique little combo there, right?  Well, if you know hubby to be, he’s totally not your traditional Nigerian.  In fact, if you saw him in the street or hung out with him, he appears to be totally americanized.  Well, let me tell you.  All that Americanized mentality goes out the door when you start talking marriage. 

Now, all of a sudden, tradition is important.  Let’s incorporate this.. We MUST do this.. You, meaning me, HAVE to do this.  I am now slowly getting a crash course in Nigerian tradition - 6 months before the wedding. 

I have recently been informed by my husband to be that I have to do something to the effect of me bending or kneeling in front of him to show that I am embracing him as a husband or something to that effect.  Honestly, the moment I heard bending down, I totally tuned the whole thing off and don’t want to hear the reasons behind it.  Why? It’s not meant to be disrespectful to him, his family, or his culture, but honestly, I find it truly offensive and oppressive for me to have to do that. 

I have worked very hard to build myself as a strong, independent woman.  But now, it appears to me that marrying him, means I have to suddenly embrace part of the culture that I just truly can’t wrap my head around all because it’s what HAS to be done.   A culture, BTW, that he has never really bothered to introduce me to.  A culture, which, only is a factor, when it benefits HIM.  Sure, those are customs that has to be done – In Nigeria.  But we are in the United States, and I am Puerto Rican, and honestly, if he himself doesn’t practice anything, why should I?   Let me give you one example:

Introduction Process:

As I understand, Nigerian tradition breaks down the wedding process with: Introduction, Engagement, Ceremony and something called a “white” wedding, which is what they consider the ‘Western-influenced” wedding.

Here is where I find the contradiction.  During the introduction process, both families wear traditional Nigerian clothes.  The groom’s family (Oba) visits the bride’s family (Moi) and asks for my hand in marriage and bring dowry which is money or whatever to prove that He (Oba) can provide for his family.

Well…..Me or my family have YET to receive our dowry.   So while I have been told that I must kneel down.  Where is my dowry?   Why is it that suddenly, the rule does not apply to him?

I suppose, what’s good for the goose, isn’t always good for the gander.

In the meantime, I will continue researching on google Nigerian culture, in preparation of what will await me and hope that my dowry will soon follow.

Till next time – Happy blogging.

Wedding Dress Woes

6 Months before the wedding.. Still no dress.  I know.. I know.. Timeline says I'm late or approaching that late mark.  I have tried on, No lie - 25+ dresses...Yes.. 25+.  I must have driven some of the ladies at the boutiques crazy, including a couple of my bridesmaids, who have come along for comments. 

On one of my return trips to try on the dress I thought I wanted, I spotted another one that really caught my eye.   Once I tried it on, I fell in love with it.  Yup.. This is the one.  Bridesmaids agreed, mom agreed.  But now I"m faced with the, I know I love this dress, but what if there is another one out that's better question. (Same theory for a man.  I know I love Oba, but what if there is someone else out there that's better.. *tee hee hee*.. Just had to throw that in there) - I'm kidding - now don't start reading into it..

The dress selections are just overwhelming.  The dresses all look fabulous in a magazine, then when you try it on, you're like, what is this?  The magazine has bamboozled me into thinking I could look good in the dress.. So I say to myself, OK, I have been going to the gym, getting in wedding dress shape.  Dropped one dress size and have one more to go.  Now if I drop the 2 dress sizes, because anyone who has been married knows.. If you want to feel like a big fatso, put on a wedding gown.  That is really a great way to feel real good about yourself *In my sarcastic tone*.   These dresses run extremely small and make you feel oh so, I need to lose weight.  Definitely not meant to be a self-confidence booster for the average woman.  

Soooo, if I drop that extra dress size.. maybe, just maybe, the dress that looks amazing in the magazine, which looked like crap on me, could look good the 2nd time around.  Or maybe, I was meant to have that dress that made my eyes glisten and put a cheesy smile on my face.  The one that looked great on me, and could possibly look even better once I do drop that additional dress size.   

The dress you pick is the one you will have to live with for the REST of your life in pictures.  Its the one that you better love and be happy with for years to come because once those pictures are taken, it will be memorialized for EVER.  It's a dress that should be true to you, look good on you, and also be that classic dress. 

For now, I have about one more month before I make my final final decision and hope I don't find yet another one I could possibly love.   In the meantime.. Happy Blogging..

To eat or not to eat - That is the wedding cake question

So I suggest to Oba the option of not having a wedding cake at the wedding, since the meal package includes an oh so yummy desert.  He gasps and says, Oh NO.. We ARE having a cake.  Not an option.  I just look at him like, really?  Why?  Who will miss it, considering that we will be stuffing our guests with food and liquor from beginning to end.   He responds with, well for pictures, Duh!  I say, OK, so why not do a beautifully displayed cupcake tower.  Ummm, negative.. Not an option.  

I realize, this is a battle I will not win, I proceed to look for wedding cake ideas.   I'm on various websites, theknot.com, googling wedding cake images, Martha Stewart, wedding.com, bride magazines, you name it, I'm on it.  Well, honestly, I'm not finding a single cake display that I'm totally loving. Not to mention, I'm not a cake lover, especially frosting, so now the question is, fondant, no fondant, butter cream, Italian butter cream, filling, no filling, cake flavor, decisions are endless. 

So as I'm searching, I start to think: Why is it that people always feel that a wedding is not complete without the wedding cake?  You have this overpriced, fattening, calorie packed beautifully displayed cake that sits on this table towards the back of the room.  Its purpose - so you have pictures you can look back at and say, oh yeah, that's where my $800+ went towards..  Really? Who will miss it?  Between the music and the drinking, I don't expect anyone to come up to me and say, Hey, I notice you DON'T have a cake, what's up with that?

The bigger the cake, the grander the reception seems.   Good thing I still have a couple of months to book a cake testing and lock in a vendor to make our cake.   This topic will definitely reappear in a few months. 

Stay tuned! 

A Father's Loss

So on Saturday, I had a conversation with a friend and wedding talks came up again.  I mentioned in this conversation that I did not.. I repeat, DID NOT, send my father a Save the Date.   She laughed because she initially thought I was joking until she realized that I wasn't, then laughed because I'm crazy..

Days later, I still find myself thinking about the reasons why I did not send him a save-the date.  Why, he was never an option to walk me down the aisle and why, if he doesn't show up to my wedding, my life will be A-OK. 

Why he is not walking me down the aisle?  Well, months ago, I did have that conversation with him.  He and his much younger than me girlfriend assumed he would be walking me down the aisle.  Ummmm, negative.  Not only are you not walking me down the aisle, but you certainly won't be wearing a gaudy white suit.  The color white is reserved only for Moi.  Walking me down the aisle is a distinct honor that is reserved for either my mother or my uncle.  The two people who have raised me and molded me into the woman I am today.  My uncle will take on that role and he rightfully deserves it.  Needless to say, I have not heard from him since this conversation took place in December.  

Why no Save the Date do you ask?  Well, inconsistency is my father's middle name.  Why should I waste a save-the-date on someone who will probably not remember the date to begin with.  I could either a) keep it as a keepsake or b) given it to someone who will put it to some use. 

Some background on my father.    He was pretty much non-existent in my life until about two years ago, which is when I found him after years of searching for him.  I thought that after finding me, he would want to really work hard at building a relationship with me and his grand-daughter.  However, two years later, I realize, you can't force someone to be in your life if they are unable or unwilling to.  The bridge was placed two years ago by me, and I have yet to see him walk a portion of the way towards the bridge.  

Will I regret my decision one day?  NO.  The day of your wedding is a day that is reserved for loved ones, friends and family who are there to rejoice in the new chapter that is about to embark in your life.  My rules for the people who are invited to our wedding is: If I have not dealt with you in a year, you are not invited to the wedding and other reasons are subject to my discretion.  

It hasn't been a year for him, but his inconsistent ways and lack of not know what has been going on in my life led me to the decision of not including him in my special day.  So with that said, my tale of the day will end with: 

"It is much easier to become a father than to be one." 
~ Kent Nerburn, Letters to My Son: Reflections on Becoming a Man, 1994