So my hubby to be is Nigerian and I’m Puerto Rican. Unique little combo there, right? Well, if you know hubby to be, he’s totally not your traditional Nigerian. In fact, if you saw him in the street or hung out with him, he appears to be totally americanized. Well, let me tell you. All that Americanized mentality goes out the door when you start talking marriage.
Now, all of a sudden, tradition is important. Let’s incorporate this.. We MUST do this.. You, meaning me, HAVE to do this. I am now slowly getting a crash course in Nigerian tradition - 6 months before the wedding.
I have recently been informed by my husband to be that I have to do something to the effect of me bending or kneeling in front of him to show that I am embracing him as a husband or something to that effect. Honestly, the moment I heard bending down, I totally tuned the whole thing off and don’t want to hear the reasons behind it. Why? It’s not meant to be disrespectful to him, his family, or his culture, but honestly, I find it truly offensive and oppressive for me to have to do that.
I have worked very hard to build myself as a strong, independent woman. But now, it appears to me that marrying him, means I have to suddenly embrace part of the culture that I just truly can’t wrap my head around all because it’s what HAS to be done. A culture, BTW, that he has never really bothered to introduce me to. A culture, which, only is a factor, when it benefits HIM. Sure, those are customs that has to be done – In Nigeria. But we are in the United States, and I am Puerto Rican, and honestly, if he himself doesn’t practice anything, why should I? Let me give you one example:
Introduction Process:
As I understand, Nigerian tradition breaks down the wedding process with: Introduction, Engagement, Ceremony and something called a “white” wedding, which is what they consider the ‘Western-influenced” wedding.
Here is where I find the contradiction. During the introduction process, both families wear traditional Nigerian clothes. The groom’s family (Oba) visits the bride’s family (Moi) and asks for my hand in marriage and bring dowry which is money or whatever to prove that He (Oba) can provide for his family.
Well…..Me or my family have YET to receive our dowry. So while I have been told that I must kneel down. Where is my dowry? Why is it that suddenly, the rule does not apply to him?
I suppose, what’s good for the goose, isn’t always good for the gander.
In the meantime, I will continue researching on google Nigerian culture, in preparation of what will await me and hope that my dowry will soon follow.
Till next time – Happy blogging.
This is so amusing. Continue to google. I can see it from both of your perspectives. Are we adhering to Nigerian tradition when it's convenient or will we truly adopt all of it?
ReplyDeleteI know that you pride yourself on being strong and independent and that is a great and commendable thing. One question that I have for you (you may want to address this in another blog) is as you embark upon this new journey, are you ready to compromise, truly work in the interest of the union, and somewhat submit as you are in a partnership?
Hmmm.. Interesting question. I will have to marinate on that one and get back to all later.
ReplyDeleteZu, whether you bow or not does not take away that you are a strong woman and what you have accomplished. Now I also agree with Ronni, you need to communicate with him your confusion on to as why now you have to embrace culture when it was never important for him to teach you before and you as well may need to think about that if there is something you may be asking of him b/c of culture if you have never taught him your culutre. Relationship/marriage is about compromise. You give a little, he gives a little but your wedding is a representation of who you are so I wouldn't have anything that has not been a part of who we are as a couple.
ReplyDelete